I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize