At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize