blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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