it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
