i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
