yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
