We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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