sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
