Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize