Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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