Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
