Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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