i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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