At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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