Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
