On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
