Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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