I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
