I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
