i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have so much sex to catch up on
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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