well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
