And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
