I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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