I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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