it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Houston, we have a squirter
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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