Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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