the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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