Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
