I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
