Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
