While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
