Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
