I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
