I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
