I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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