Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
