Moan for me like Helen Keller
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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