you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
