is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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