then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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