p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Randomize