she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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