i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Found your dick twin last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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