i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
