i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
