words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
