I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i drank out of a bidet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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