Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
