i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
