I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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