I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
