just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Houston, we have a blender
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
