I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
