i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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