Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
