I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
