he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I look better un-naked...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
