I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
