Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
