It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
