You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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