Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
